Author: Torey C. Richards, LMHC

I'm a passionate Behavioral Scientist, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional based Florida. I've dedicated my career to unmasking the complexities of human behavior, mental health, and substance abuse. My journey in this fascinating field has led me to work extensively with a diverse range of individuals – from those grappling with chronic mental illness to others navigating the trials of daily life. The opportunity to study the nuances of people's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors has been enlightening and truly rewarding. Moreover, guiding people towards transformational changes that break down barriers in their lives is a fulfilling mission I carry with me every day. Currently, I work at a level one trauma center with patients who have suffered unfortunate traumas that include everything from car accidents to shootings and burn injuries. Previously, I held the reins as the Director of Mental Health at a county jail for 8 years, a challenging yet fulfilling role that offered unique insights into criminal justice and mental health. Additionally, I mentor the next generation of mental health professionals as a qualified supervisor for interns seeking licensure, continuously inspired by their commitment and ambition. Beyond my professional endeavors, I'm a Jiu Jitsu practitioner, an avid reader and writer. I hope you'll join me on this voyage of discovery.

Sometimes I Suck, And That’s Part of the Process

There are days where I leave the mat feeling like I’ve unlocked something. Days where I feel like a ninja. My timing feels sharp, my technique flows, and I catch a couple of subs that make me think, “Yeah, I’m getting somewhere.”

And then there are days (more than I like to admit) when I walk out of class shaking my head. Frustrated. Tired. Even embarrassed. Asking myself questions I thought I had stopped asking a long time ago.

Why did I freeze in that position?
Why couldn’t I get out of that side control?
Why did I feel like I forgot everything I’ve learned in the last year?

Some days, I just suck, and last night was one of them. Last night I fought for my life with an energetic, tough 14 year old. I struggled with a young, athletic 20 something and I got absolutely destroyed by a grizzly guy who turns 56 next month.

I left the gym feeling like, yeah, tonight was not my night.
And as much as I hate it in the moment…
I’ve learned that it’s not only normal, it’s necessary.

Progress Doesn’t Look How You Think It Will

When I first started training, I assumed progress would be clean and steady, like leveling up in a video game. You train, you improve. You drill, you retain. You roll, you dominate.

But the mats and Jiu Jitsu don’t care about your expectations.

To take a cue from things I’ve learned in psychology. Progress isn’t always linear and in Jiu Jitsu, progress isn’t only not linear, it spirals. You revisit the same positions over and over. You “learn” something five different times before it sticks. And just when you think you’ve got it figured out, you roll with someone who exposes all the gaps in your game.

It’s humbling. And at times, it’s exhausting.

But the truth is, those days where you feel like you suck?
They’re often the ones pushing you closest to growth.

The Humility Behind the Belt

People see the belt you wear and assume that means you’ve figured something out. And sure, you’ve learned some things, you’ve put in the hours, you’ve been tapped more times than you can count, you’ve survived the awkward white belt phase and kept coming back.

But what they don’t see is the doubt that still lingers.

Even now, as a purple belt, there are days I feel like a beginner. I second-guess my instincts. I get stuck in positions I should be able to escape. I roll with someone newer who catches me slipping, and my ego wants to spiral.

That’s when I have to remind myself: this is part of it.

You don’t grow by always winning. You grow by getting uncomfortable, by testing the limits of your timing, by rolling with people who challenge you mentally and physically. You grow by getting exposed and deciding to come back anyway.

Last night, I got worked. I could’ve blamed it on being exhausted, on the lack of sleep, on just not having it in me to go hard. And yeah, maybe all of that was true. But they’re also just easy outs. The truth is, it wasn’t my night. And instead of running from that or dressing it up with excuses, I’m learning to sit with it. To let it teach me something.

The point is, I showed up and I’ll keep showing up, even when I’m not feeling at my best and even when it’s not my night to be the hammer, but instead the nail.

What the “Suck” Actually Teaches You

Let me tell you what those frustrating days like last night have taught me:

They teach me humility. To let go of the image I have of myself and just be a student of the art again.
They teach me patience, not just with the art, but with myself.
They teach me resilience, to shake off the bad rounds, the bruised ego, and still show up the next day.

Most importantly, they’ve taught me that sucking isn’t failure, it’s a sign that I’m still learning. That I’m pushing my limits. That I’m evolving.

Staying in your comfort zone doesn’t lead to breakthroughs.
Feeling clumsy, out of rhythm, exposed, that’s where the real growth is hiding.

I see it all the time. Students who only want to train when they feel 100%. As soon as they’re tired or slightly off, they avoid rolling, afraid of “losing,” of not looking sharp. Of judgement. But here’s the truth:

There is no losing in training.

I try to encourage them to show up anyway. To train when they’re tired. When they’re not at their best. When they can’t go 100%. That’s when you learn to breathe. To defend. To survive. And honestly? That’s some of the most valuable training you’ll ever do.

Because the outside world doesn’t care if you didn’t sleep well last night.
It doesn’t care if your body aches or your mind is scattered.
Life’s not going to wait for you to feel perfect before it tests you.

You have to learn to show up anyway.
To give what you can.
To stay in the fight, even when it’s not your day.

You’re Not Alone, Even If It Feels Like It

I used to think I was the only one who felt this way. Like everyone else was improving on a straight line and I was the only one who couldn’t get my body or brain to cooperate.

But as I’ve talked to more training partners and coaches over the years, I’ve realized everybody feels this at least sometimes.

Even black belts.
Even competitors.
Even the people who look smooth and confident every round.

They’ve just learned how to ride the wave instead of fighting it.

They know that feeling lost, tired, or off doesn’t mean you’re backsliding. It just means you’re in the middle of the work. It means you’re human.

Final Thoughts

So yeah. Sometimes I suck. Sometimes I wonder “what am I even doing with my life?” LOL.

And honestly? I’ve made peace with that.

Not because I’m okay with mediocrity, but because I’ve finally accepted that mastery looks messy up close. The road to improvement is paved with awkward rolls, ego checks, forgotten techniques, and quiet nights where you wonder if you’re cut out for this.

But I keep showing up.
Not because I always feel great…
But because I know that’s what growth actually looks like.

Some days you feel sharp. Like a ninja even.
Some days you feel like you’ve never trained before.
And both are part of the journey.

So if you’re feeling stuck, if you’re questioning yourself, if you’re sitting in your car after class wondering if you even belong on the mat, take a breath. You’re not alone.

You don’t have to be perfect to be progressing.
You just have to keep going. You have to keep showing up and as they often say, learn to embrace the suck.

Grappling with PTSD: How Jiu Jitsu Can Aid Trauma Recovery

I first wrote this piece for my mental health blog, but it belongs here too. PTSD is something I see in my work and in the lives of many grapplers I’ve met, whether from military service, first responder work, or personal trauma. Jiu Jitsu has a unique way of helping us process and heal, and I wanted to share how the art we love can be a powerful tool in recovery.

Grappling with PTSD: How Jiu Jitsu Can Aid Trauma Recovery

If you or someone you know is grappling with trauma, know that you’re not alone and that the mats can be more than just a training ground. They can be a place to rebuild trust, confidence, and connection.

I’d love to hear your thoughts: has Jiu Jitsu played a role in your own healing journey?

Chasing the Belt, Finding the Love

I came across a Reddit post the other day from a three stripe brown belt who said something that I found really interesting.

He said that he wanted to get a black belt in Jiu Jitsu because he knew it would be hard, and wrote:

“I didn’t really start liking BJJ until about mid-purple. I always just considered it cardio that was fun enough that I could stick with.”

That hit different.

Not because it was surprising, but because it was honest. For a lot of us, the belt was the goal long before the art ever was. We showed up with ambition. We wanted to be tough. Respected. Skilled. Some of us wanted the challenge. Some wanted the identity. And some of us just wanted to win at something.

But love for the sport and the art? That came later. For some, much later and unfortunately, lots of people who chase the belt quit when they realize it’s not going to be fast or easy.

The Goal That Got You in the Door

I started training after my best friend, who had already been training for a number of years, kept suggesting I switch from powerlifting to Jiu Jitsu for better overall health.

I didn’t love Jiu Jitsu at first. I gave myself a goal: I wouldn’t quit for the first three months. And I didn’t.

Even after that, I still didn’t love it, but I gave myself another three months. And after that? Well, to be honest, I was falling in love with it. Not because I was chasing a belt, but because it was challenging. And because I found a community I didn’t realize I needed.

A lot of people assume that if you’re showing up every week drilling, rolling, pushing through injuries and frustration, you must love Jiu Jitsu.

But sometimes, what we really love is the idea of becoming great at something. The validation. The transformation. The person we hope to be on the other side of the grind.

There’s nothing wrong with that. For a lot of us, the belt is what gets us in the door. What keeps us coming back when nothing else does. But chasing a belt and falling in love with the art are two different things.

When the Switch Flips

Then one day, something shifts.

Maybe it’s in the middle of a round where everything just clicks.
Maybe it’s watching yourself recover from a bad position calmly instead of panicking.
Maybe it’s when you catch a move that used to confuse you and you land it without thinking.

That’s when the belt fades into the background.
And you realize: you’re not just training Jiu Jitsu anymore.
You’re starting to feel Jiu Jitsu.

I’ve had a number of moments like this. Times when I easily handled an athletic 20 year old or dominated a former wrestler I thought I wouldn’t stand a chance to get. Times when I felt like I was in a video game and not just the nail being hammered.

As the brown belt I mentioned earlier added:

“Around mid-purple belt I started to notice that white belts were starting to feel ‘effortless.’ That’s when I started feeling like I might actually not suck at Jiu Jitsu. I really like it now. It’s super fun, but my primary goal is still getting a black belt. Hopefully getting it doesn’t cause me to lose motivation.”

You Don’t Have to Love It From the Start

I love training. It doesn’t always love me back though LOL.

I’ve had my share of injuries and frustrations that made me question if I should just give up. But I don’t. And usually, those thoughts are fleeting. After a day or two, I’m back on the mats, happy to be there, even on the days where I feel like I suck at it.

If you’ve been training for years and still aren’t sure how you feel about this thing, you’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just on your way to something deeper.

The love doesn’t always come during the honeymoon phase.
Sometimes, it’s slow.
Sometimes, it only shows up when your ego quiets down enough to notice it.

But when it does come?
You stop needing to impress anyone.
You stop fearing bad days.
You just show up, because you want to. Because it grounds you. Because it’s yours now.

Final Thoughts

For some of us, the belt came before the love.
But the love? That’s what keeps us here.

Jiu Jitsu doesn’t have to be love at first sight.
Sometimes it’s more like that relationship that starts off rocky with misunderstandings, growing pains, and hard lessons, but becomes the one that changes you forever.

So, keep chasing the belt if you want.
Just know that somewhere along the way…
you might find something even better.

Grappling With My Hematoma: When the Fight Goes Beyond the Mat

Sometimes the toughest opponent doesn’t wear a gi. It doesn’t slap and bump. It doesn’t tap out. Sometimes, the fight is with your own body and the only mat is the one you’re forced to stay off of.

The Onset

It started like so many other injuries in this sport do, with something that didn’t seem like a big deal. A little pain, a little swelling. Maybe just the aftereffects of a hard roll. But this time was different. I didn’t pay it much attention and kept rolling until one day after an open mat someone pointed out my ear had swollen up.

And that’s when I knew: this wasn’t just a bruise. It was something more.

The Diagnosis

When I finally went to get it checked out, I was met with a word I wasn’t expecting: hematoma.
A collection of blood pooling in the muscle tissue. A reminder that the body has its own limits, even when the mind is still chasing the next belt, the next stripe, the next roll.

The doctor’s advice? Get it drained. Compressed. Ice. Rest. No training. Elevation. All the usual stuff that sounds simple until you realize what it really means: time away from the thing that keeps you grounded.

Ear hematomas are common in grappling and often lead to cauliflower ear. Some grapplers wear it like a badge of honor and I get that. But I wasn’t ready for the look. Having this happen to me for the first time in over six years of training caught me completely off guard.

The Mental Toll

What caught me off guard wasn’t the physical pain. It was the mental stillness. The way the days felt slower without the rhythm of training. The way the feelings I had used training to quiet came rushing back in. Sadness. Insecurity. Loneliness.

BJJ isn’t just exercise for me. It’s therapy. It’s where I process life, release tension, find clarity.

And without it, the silence crept in.
The doubts.
The restlessness.
The subtle fear that I might lose progress or worse, lose part of myself.

Recovery As a New Kind of Roll

Overtime, I realized recovery is its own kind of training.
You need patience. You need body awareness. You have to let go of ego. You have to listen.
Every time I resisted rest, I prolonged the healing. Every time I honored it, I took a step toward returning.

So I started to treat recovery like a roll: stay calm, breathe, don’t force the position. Adapt to what’s in front of you.

What I’ve Learned

This hematoma taught me that resilience isn’t just about pushing through, it’s also about knowing when to pause.
It taught me that slowing down doesn’t mean stopping.
That healing is a part of training. To trust my body.
And that sometimes, the most important grappling match is the one happening within.

Still Grappling

I’m still healing. Still learning. Still grappling (with headgear until it’s 100%).
But I have a deeper respect for my body, my mind, and the balance between drive and rest.

Because the mat will always be there.

The Role of Good Training Partners in Sharpening Your Game

There’s a saying in Jiu Jitsu: iron sharpens iron. But iron doesn’t sharpen itself. it needs resistance, friction, and the right kind of partner.

In a sport where it’s easy to obsess over your own belt, your own progress, and your own survival on the mat, it’s easy to forget that growth isn’t a solo mission. Your coaches can guide you, but it’s your training partners who shape you day after day. They are your mirrors, your measuring sticks, your silent coaches. Unlike some martial arts, it’s impossible to truly learn and level up in Jiu Jitsu alone.

I’ve come to realize the people I train with aren’t just bodies to drill with, they’re essential to my progress.

Good Training Partners Make You Better. Here’s How

The best training partners:

Give honest feedback. They’ll tell you when your defense is sloppy, when your arm’s in danger, or when you’re telegraphing your next move. They don’t let you build bad habits.
Expose your blind spots. They don’t let you stay comfortable. They find the holes in your game and help you see them.
Push you at your edge. They roll just hard enough to test you, but not to break you. They meet you where your growth happens.
Trust you enough to correct you. Feedback isn’t always easy to give. Good partners risk awkwardness to help you.
Stay consistent. They keep showing up, even as you start getting better. They’re not just there to win. They’re there to grow with you.

Signs You’ve Got a Good Training Partner

You know you’ve got a good one when:

They roll to help you grow, not to just dominate you all the time.
They can give and receive feedback without getting defensive.
They’ll say, “Hey, you’re leaving your arm out there.”
They don’t avoid rolling with you when the rolls get harder as you improve.
They ask, “What are you working on? Want to rep that?”

How to Be a Good Training Partner

It’s a two-way street. Here’s how to give what you hope to get:

Ask after a roll: “What did you notice? Anything I can work on?”
Offer specific, helpful feedback: “You kept leaving space when you passed on that side.”
Roll with people at all levels. Don’t just chase tough rolls or easy wins.
Help newer students feel welcome. Share what’s been shared with you.
Say thank you. Seriously. “Thanks for that roll—that showed me what I need to work on.”

A Personal Story

Just last week I went to a noon No-Gi class and rolled with some guys I generally don’t get to roll with as I usually go to night classes. These guys were tough. Their styles were similar because they train together often and their game was what my game is (pass and smash) except… better. They called me out for being on my knees too much and not generating enough pressure. They called me out for violating the toe control rule, or whatever it is called. I had never hard of it before that, but it’s when trying to pass an opponent in open guard. I kept getting too close to my opponent with my feet without first establishing grips. Feel free to clarify this for me if you know more, but it was and is still new to me. They also called me out for other small holes I have in my game, but it was the first time in a long time someone had called out my weaknesses so specifically. I mean, I knew I had weaknesses in my game, but it was great to have someone else call them out and offer sound advice to start fixing it. I left that training session feeling invigorated and ready to start working on closing those holes and appreciative of those two guys for pushing me and pointing them out to me.

Closing

Good training partners don’t just help you survive the next roll, they help you evolve. They sharpen your game, your awareness, and your ability to stay humble. If you’ve found people like that in your gym, keep them close, appreciate them, and do your part to be that person for someone else.

Because in Jiu Jitsu, we don’t grow alone. We grow together.

The Calm After the Storm: How Jiu Jitsu Grounds You After a Long Day

No matter how exhausted I am after getting off from work, I can usually find the strength to drag myself to class. There’s something about stepping onto the mat after a long day that feels like an exhale your body has been holding onto for hours.

For many of us, the day begins in chaos, waking up groggy, shuttling kids off to school, facing the noise and demands of work, feeling pulled in a dozen different directions. By the time we get off work, our nervous systems are fried, and our minds are running in loops. That’s where Jiu Jitsu comes in.

When people talk about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ), they often highlight its intensity, its competitiveness, and the physical toll it takes. But what doesn’t get talked about enough is the calm that follows the storm, the way training can settle a restless mind and anchor you to the present.

The Reset Button

Walking into the gym is like stepping into a completely different reality. You strip off the titles, the expectations, and the stress. Whether you’re a therapist, a parent, a nurse, or a construction worker, once you tie that belt, you’re just another person on the mat.

The physical exertion of drilling and sparring forces you to be fully present. There’s no room to worry about unpaid bills or unresolved arguments when someone is trying to pass your guard or lock in a choke. Your survival instinct kicks in, but in a safe, controlled environment. This, in itself, is therapy.

You move from fight-or-flight to focus and flow.

Why the Calm Feels So Good

Most of the time I leave Jiu Jitsu feeling so much lighter than I did when I first walked in, and I’m not just talking about the water weight I lost from sweating. It’s one of the main reasons I push myself to go, especially after a particularly hard day.

From a mental health perspective, training BJJ activates several key systems in the body. You get a surge of endorphins, your cortisol levels begin to drop, and you start to regulate your breathing. When you finish class, the same problems might still exist, but your relationship to them has shifted. They’re no longer screaming in your face.

And for those of us who struggle with anxiety, depression, or even burnout from emotionally demanding work, Jiu Jitsu becomes more than a workout. It becomes a lifeline.

Returning to the Body

So much of life keeps us trapped in our heads. We replay conversations, obsess over what we could have said or done differently, and catastrophize about the future. But when you train, you return to the body. You start noticing your breath. You begin to feel the rhythm of movement. You learn to read your training partner’s body language, and in doing so, you become more attuned to your own.

This somatic awareness is healing. Trauma, stress, and emotional pain often live in the body (check out The Body Keeps The Score if you’re really interested in learning more about that) and Jiu Jitsu creates a space for them to move, to be expressed, and eventually, to be released.

The Post-Roll Stillness

There’s a particular kind of stillness that settles in after a hard roll. Your muscles are spent, your gi is soaked, and your heart rate begins to slow. You lie on your back, looking up at the ceiling, breathing deeply. That stillness isn’t just physical, it’s emotional. It’s spiritual.

In that moment, you’re not thinking about tomorrow’s tasks or yesterday’s regrets. You’re just… here. Alive. Present. At peace.

Taking It Off the Mat

The calm after class doesn’t have to stay at the gym. It can bleed into how we parent, how we show up in relationships, and how we manage stress. The more consistent we are with training, the more we begin to carry that grounded presence into everyday life.

Jiu Jitsu won’t fix all your problems. But it can help you meet them from a place of strength, clarity, and emotional balance.

So the next time you’ve had a day that leaves you feeling wrecked and disconnected, step onto the mat. Let the storm of training clear away the debris. And let the calm after remind you of who you are beneath the stress.

You’re more than what happened to you today. You’re a fighter. And fighters know how to find peace in the middle of chaos.

As for morning class people? Well, it definitely takes a special kind of person to wake up and train at 6am 🙂

The Power of Patience: Embracing the Slow Grind in Jiu Jitsu

Jiu Jitsu is often described as a “slow grind “and it teaches us one of the most valuable life lessons: the power of patience. Progress in this martial art is rarely quick or easy. Unlike some sports where immediate results are common, Jiu Jitsu requires long-term dedication, focus, and the ability to keep going even when it feels like you’re not improving.

The journey of learning Jiu Jitsu is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s not about instant gratification; it’s about the consistent, steady effort that leads to growth. Whether you’re rolling with a seasoned upper belt or struggling through a tricky submission, you quickly learn that each step in Jiu Jitsu, no matter how small, is a victory.

Embracing the Slow Grind of Jiu Jitsu

When you first start Jiu Jitsu, it can be overwhelming. The techniques seem complicated, the positions confusing, and the tapping out inevitable and often. You might feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of repeating the same drills without seeing significant improvements. But over time, this repetition is where the magic happens. You begin to notice the subtle shifts in your body’s movements, the increase in your strength and endurance, and the sharpening of your mental focus.

One of the beautiful things about Jiu Jitsu is that it forces you to embrace the process. You can’t rush through learning. The guard sweeps, submissions, and escapes that once seemed impossible eventually become second nature. Not because you pushed harder, but because you allowed yourself the time to truly understand each detail. This kind of progress doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s a profound realization when you realize how far you’ve come after months of patient practice.

There’s one thing I find myself telling new student’s often: “Don’t quit”. I can see the frustration in their face, in their body language and I get it. I was there. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Confused. Defeated. You feel like it will always be like this, but the truth is, it won’t. Not if you stick with it and be patient.

Why Patience is Key

Patience is the key to unlocking Jiu Jitsu’s full potential. It teaches you that nothing worth having comes instantly. Progress in Jiu Jitsu is measured in small increments. Today, you might master a single detail of a technique, and tomorrow, you may struggle with the same technique again. But through persistence, those incremental victories build up over time, and before you know it, you’re executing complex movements without thinking.

This is where Jiu Jitsu mirrors life. The challenges we face aren’t always going to be solved in a single day or with a quick fix. Whether it’s in your career, relationships, or personal goals, success comes from the ability to show up consistently, day after day, despite not seeing instant results.

The Mental Benefits of Patience in Jiu Jitsu

Jiu Jitsu’s slow grind has profound mental benefits that extend beyond the mat. The ability to embrace the process teaches mental resilience, focus, and self-discipline. It shows you that setbacks are a natural part of growth. When you tap or fail at a technique, it’s not a reflection of your worth, it’s an opportunity to learn, adapt, and try again.

This mindset helps with emotional regulation, especially during stressful situations. Just like in Jiu Jitsu, when life throws challenges your way, practicing patience allows you to approach each obstacle with a clear and steady mind. You begin to see failure not as an end, but as a part of the journey, something to learn from, not something to avoid.

Patience Beyond the Mat: Life Lessons Learned from Jiu Jitsu

One of the most powerful aspects of Jiu Jitsu is how it teaches us patience that applies to all areas of life. Whether you’re facing a tough situation at work, navigating personal struggles, or simply trying to improve your fitness, the lessons learned on the mat: consistency, resilience, and slow, steady effort, are incredibly valuable.

Jiu Jitsu has a way of humbling you. You quickly learn that there’s no shortcut to mastery, and the same is true in life. The more you focus on putting in the work and being patient with yourself, the more you’ll grow, not just as a martial artist, but as a person.

Tips for Embracing the Grind in Jiu Jitsu

Set Small Goals: Focus on mastering one technique or position at a time. Celebrate small victories, and don’t rush the process.
Be Consistent: Show up regularly, even when you feel like you’re not progressing. The consistency will pay off in the long run. You don’t have to kill yourself by training everyday, but pick at least two or three days out of the week and be consistent.
Reflect on Progress: Take time to look back at where you started and appreciate how far you’ve come. Tracking your journey can boost morale during tough times.
Accept Setbacks: Understand that setbacks are normal. Don’t let temporary frustration derail your progress. Embrace each challenge as an opportunity to grow.
Patience with Others: Be patient with your training partners as well. Everyone is on their own journey, and you’ll learn just as much by helping others as you will by focusing on your own growth.

Jiu Jitsu teaches us that patience is not just a passive waiting game, it’s an active part of the learning process. The slow grind is not something to fear but to embrace. The more we practice patience on the mat, the more we unlock the deeper lessons that Jiu Jitsu offers, lessons that go beyond technique and strength, and into the realm of mental and emotional resilience.

As you continue your Jiu Jitsu journey, remember that the slow grind is not a sign of stagnation but part of your growth. Every roll, every drill, and every tap out is a step forward, no matter how small it may seem in the moment. So, take a deep breath, enjoy the process, and trust that with each passing day, you’re getting closer to your goals.

WILL BJJ (BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU) MAKE ME MORE MENTALLY TOUGH?

The other day I was on a forum where someone asked the question, “Wil BJJ make me more mentally tough?”. Unfortunately, the person who posed this question got a bunch of sarcastic responses but as a licensed mental health counselor and someone who observes various forms of resilience and mental conditioning, I find this topic intriguing. So, does practicing BJJ actually contribute to mental toughness? Let’s explore.

What Do We Mean by Mental Toughness?

First things first. Mental toughness refers to the resilience and strength that help individuals cope with stress, pressure, and challenges. It’s about overcoming fears and inhibitions and performing at your full potential, even when circumstances aren’t ideal. It’s a broad term, encompassing emotional control, self-belief, and the ability to bounce back from setbacks.

The Physical-Mental Connection

In BJJ, physical exertion is a given. The movements are complex, the pace can be fast, and you’re often in physically uncomfortable positions. However, the mental aspect is as engaging, if not more so, than the physical one. It requires a level of concentration, strategic thinking, and problem-solving that is akin to a fast-paced, interactive chess match. This deep mental engagement is often cited by practitioners as a training ground for broader life challenges.

Facing Fears Head-On

Being pinned to the ground or being put in a chokehold can be terrifying experiences. BJJ thrusts you into these uncomfortable situations and forces you to confront your fears directly. The repeated exposure to such stressors can desensitize you to them over time, allowing you to think clearly under pressure—both on the mat and in life.

Emotional Control

A roll (sparring session) in BJJ can be both exhilarating and frustrating. Your emotions can swing from one extreme to the other in a matter of minutes. Learning to maintain your composure in such a volatile environment can be incredibly beneficial. Emotional control doesn’t mean suppressing feelings; rather, it’s about acknowledging them and choosing a rational course of action. This is a key facet of mental toughness and is highly transferable to other areas of life, such as work, relationships, and personal challenges.

Learning from Failure

In BJJ, you will lose—a lot. Even the most skilled amongst us find themselves in compromising positions and get tapped out. What makes BJJ a catalyst for mental toughness is the approach to these losses. There’s a culture of learning from your mistakes, analyzing what went wrong, and coming back stronger. This positive approach to failure fosters resilience, another cornerstone of mental toughness.

Setting and Achieving Goals

BJJ is structured around a ranking system, and each rank has its own set of techniques and competencies that need to be mastered. Setting your sights on the next rank and working diligently to achieve it instills a sense of purpose and promotes self-discipline. The process of setting, working toward, and achieving these micro-goals can be a significant booster for your mental toughness.

Social Support and Community

Lastly, the community aspect of BJJ should not be underestimated. Training together and pushing each other toward improvement creates a sense of belonging and collective resilience. The social interaction and mutual encouragement can be powerful mental health boosters.

Conclusion

While no activity can magically give you mental toughness, BJJ does offer a conducive environment for its development. Through its unique combination of physical challenges, emotional volatility, and strategic complexity, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu can be a powerful tool for building resilience, enhancing emotional control, and honing your ability to adapt and overcome.

I for one definitely have been able to handle life stressor a lot better since I started training Jiu Jitsu and it’s not just the confidence I feel to defend myself and those I care about, but the confidence to conquer fears and step out of my comfort zone.

So, will BJJ make you more mentally tough? The evidence points to a resounding yes, but like any form of personal development, the results you get are directly proportional to the effort you put into it.

The Blue Belt Chronicles: A Journey of Growth and Self-Discovery

The blue belt – a symbol of progression from the beginner’s white and a mark of recognition that you’ve stepped onto the long road of mastering Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. But as many practitioners will attest, being a blue belt is so much more than a step above white. It’s a phase of self-reflection, challenges, and immense growth.

The Initial Euphoria

Receiving the blue belt is an exhilarating experience. The countless hours spent learning the basics, getting tapped out by almost everyone, and the bruises and aches – they all seem worth it when that blue fabric wraps around your waist. It’s a public acknowledgment of your dedication, hard work, and improvement. But beyond that initial euphoria lies a path filled with introspection and challenges.

Embracing the ‘Blue Belt Blues’

The “blue belt blues” is a phrase often whispered in BJJ circles. It’s that phase where the initial excitement has faded, the journey to the next belt seems daunting, and the weight of expectations bears down. As a blue belt, you’re no longer a newbie, but you’re also not a seasoned practitioner. It’s an in-between phase, where the mental battles often overshadow the physical ones.

But it’s essential to remember that this phase, like every challenge in BJJ, is about growth. The blues become a mirror, reflecting our fears, insecurities, and doubts. Facing them head-on, acknowledging them, and persevering through this phase is what shapes a resilient BJJ player.

A Time for Consolidation

While the white belt phase is about exposure to a plethora of techniques, the blue belt stage is about consolidation. It’s about refining the basics, understanding the nuances, and developing a game plan. But this consolidation isn’t just physical.

Mentally, it’s about understanding who you are on the mat. Are you aggressive or defensive? Do you rely on strength or technique? Are you a guard player or do you prefer being on top? This self-discovery is as much a mental journey as it is a physical one.

The Weight of Responsibility

With a new belt comes new responsibility. As a blue belt, you become a beacon for white belts. They look up to you, observe your techniques, and often come to you with questions. This added responsibility can be daunting but it’s also an opportunity. Teaching and helping others not only consolidates your knowledge but nurtures empathy and patience, qualities essential both on and off the mat.

Overcoming Plateaus

Every blue belt faces plateaus – those frustrating periods where progress seems stagnant. It’s easy to feel disheartened, to question one’s abilities during these times. But these plateaus are mental tests. They teach grit, patience, and the importance of consistent effort. Overcoming them requires a shift in perspective, focusing on the journey rather than the destination.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey

Being a blue belt is a mixed bag of emotions. It’s exhilarating, challenging, frustrating, and rewarding, all at once. But more than anything, it’s a phase of profound growth and self-discovery. It prepares the practitioner, not just for the next belt, but for the challenges of life. It instills resilience, patience, self-awareness, and an unwavering spirit.

Every time I tie my belt around my waist, I’m reminded that it’s not just a rank, but a representation of a journey. A journey filled with falls and rises, taps and victories, doubts and epiphanies. And as with any journey, it’s not the destination but the experiences, learnings, and memories that truly matter most.

Beyond the Belt: The Mental Growth in Jiu Jitsu Promotions

When most people think about belt promotions in Jiu Jitsu, they envision mastered techniques, grueling rolls, and visible skill progression. While all these elements play an important role in our journey from one belt to another, there’s another equally important facet: the mental and emotional growth accompanying each promotion.

The Introspective Start

When I first put on the white belt, the world of BJJ was filled with raw enthusiasm, confusion, and endless learning. Every technique was a puzzle, every roll an exercise in humility. But it wasn’t just about understanding the techniques; it was a journey of introspection. As I grappled with opponents, I also grappled with my insecurities and doubts.

I was getting beat by everyone. It didn’t matter their age, weight, gender or athletic attributes. I came in thinking I was in shape. I lifted weight 4 to 5 days per week. I could bench press over 315lbs. None of that matter when I realized I didn’t have the conditioning to last 5 minutes grappling. I definitely had a reality check that shocked me and yet made me want to get better.

Unfortunately, a lot of new students when faced with the reality that they aren’t as good as they may have thought they were in their heads, quite before they have an opportunity to get better. It’s something about those that keep showing up, despite it all, that separates them from 99% of the world. The beautiful thing is, it has nothing to do with how tough they are, or how athletic they are. Some of them are soccer mom’s or introverted techys you’d never imagine would choose a sport as physically demanding as Jiu Jitsu for a hobby.

Blue Belt Blues and Mental Fortitude

When I was a white belt, I remember wanting to make it to blue, mostly because it would signify that I didn’t give up when many others had and especially when I wanted to.

Earning my blue belt was a monumental moment of pride, but it came with its unique challenges. The white belts seemed to come at me harder and the upper belts weren’t as gentle. On top of that, I wasn’t a newbie anymore so it felt like I couldn’t keep making stupid mistakes and blame it on me being a white belt.

Making it to blue was great but there is a lot of reasons many blue belts quit. Often referred to as the “blue belt blues,” this phase became a test of dedication. The initial excitement of starting BJJ had faded, and black belt seemed light-years away. It was during this phase that mental fortitude became important, and I learned to stop focusing on belts and just put my head down and grind.

More than techniques or skills, it was about showing up, even when I wasn’t motivated. It was about facing and acknowledging the self-doubt and then choosing to persevere. My teammates became even more important to me, more like family. They held me accountable to show up and train. Whenever I felt like quitting, unmotivated, like I as stuck, going backwards or downright sucked, my training partners uplifted me and challenged me to push through. I learned to have fun and to enjoy being a blue belt. I learned to embrace the grind.

Purple Belt: Embracing the Mental Complexity

About a month ago I was awarded my purple belt and it felt like stepping into a new realm. Initially I didn’t even want to be promoted. I felt like I wasn’t ready and I had learned to embrace being a blue belt. I didn’t want the pressure I felt came with being a purple belt.

Not only was there an expectation to refine techniques and showcase fluidity in movements, I felt pressure to be better than I thought I was. After talking to my coaches and some of my teammates, that initial anxiety wore off. I realized that being a purple belt meant I needed to have a shift in mental complexity.

There was an unspoken understanding that being a purple belt wasn’t just about what I did on the mats, but how I thought and felt. Emotions had to be regulated, strategies had to be formed, and mental agility became as crucial as physical agility.

As a purple belt, you’re often looked up to as a mentor and one of the leaders in the academy. Lower belts are watching you, not just how you roll but how you approach training, respect others and respect the art. You should be a good role model while also challenging yourself to be better on and off the mats.

One crucial aspect of this mental growth is the acceptance of imperfection. No matter the belt color, there will always be failures, mistakes, and missed opportunities. The purple belt phase reinforces the idea that growth often comes from acknowledging our flaws and continuously working on them.

So far, I am enjoying this phase. I am pushing myself to be more competition minded, even when not competing. I’m even more open to learning to be a better practitioner and more willing than ever to help others improve as well.

Anticipating the Future: The Road Ahead

As I think about the journey ahead – brown and, eventually, the coveted black belt – I recognize that the challenges will evolve. They’ll demand more than just technical prowess. They’ll require mental resilience, emotional intelligence, and an ever-present passion for the art. I anticipate moments of introspection, self-doubt, euphoria, and profound learning. And I believe that the mental and emotional growth I’ll experience will be as valuable, if not more so, than the physical.

Staying connected with my teammates will always be invaluable. Without them I would have never made it this far.

Conclusion

The belts we tie around our waist in Jiu Jitsu signify more than just technical abilities; they represent chapters of growth, both physical and mental. With each promotion, we don’t just become better martial artists; we become more resilient, introspective, and emotionally intelligent individuals. The journey is challenging, no doubt, but every obstacle, every moment of self-doubt, and every victory makes us not just better fighters but better individuals.